𝚂𝚢𝚗𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚡 𝙼𝚘𝚍𝚜 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
synfluxmods) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sinfucks2023-12-01 10:09 pm
synfluxmods) wrote in sinfucks2023-12-01 10:09 pm
Entry tags:
▶ 001. TEST DRIVE #1 / SIMULATION LOG
TEST DRIVE & SIMULATION #1
▶ 001. ARRIVAL / CAFETERIA.
It happens in the blink of an eye -- a dash of time. You're taken from where you were. What you were doing.. it isn't important anymore, and slowly, you give up to desire your normal life. When you awake, figures are looking down on you from a surgical table.
"Yeah, this one will do; let's take them to the rest," That's all you see before losing consciousness again, only to wake up in a pod with many others.
"Your questions will be answered soon enough as I'm sure you will have many," a female, robotic voice says.
Just then, your pod opens in a dim corridor with many others. Your new life is about to begin... whether you like it or not.
The pods drain their stasis fluid which wakens each Outsider. When Outsiders emerge from their pod in only their undergarments which have been supplied to them and head to a locker room in the medical bay, to find a towel to dry off with, a set of gray loungewear to wear as LILITH makes the final decision in organizing the Outsider to their rightful teams. If a character has any accessibility needs, they will be found here. It's about then they will feel a sharp pain at the back of their eyes, almost like there’s a foreign body lodged on the inside of their head. This pain will subside quickly as their body adapts to the changes, but there will always be a sensation of something being not quite right. That their bodies have been changed forever. They would be correct in thinking that. In the pod, all Outsiders have been surgically fitted with ocular and brain implants that will enable them to communicate with LILITH and the rest of the crew, and feed them the information they require. Almost like a computer screen has been loaded into their brains, they will see a loading screen as the implant completes its download. A questionnaire will then pop up, waiting for their answer. A voice, robotic and feminine, will also read along in their brain for them.
█ █ █ LOADING COMPLETE … BEGIN ORIENTATION …
The system will give Outsiders one chance to provide a truthful answer and choose their username and civilian identity. Should they refuse to cooperate, the implant will download the answer directly from their brain (and give them a username or civilian name against their will). This questionnaire will then be posted on the network for all to view and reply to. Almost like an ice-breaker, if you will. LILITH wants all their newest recruits to learn about each other!
Outsiders will receive a quick brief about their situation: They will be told that the year is 2277, and they have been taken to Neo Tokyo, one of the last bastions of mankind in a world terrorized by various Kaiju and monsters. Only a third of the population remain, and LILITH has gathered talented people from other dimensions here as a last ditch effort to save humanity. Outsiders are free to continue asking LILITH questions through their implant, but there’s no guarantee they will provide them with a straight answer …
Outsiders will also notice an implant in their dominant wrist. This implant has a barcode in it that will enable them to purchase goods from the local stores in Neo Tokyo. They will receive a starting balance of 10,000 KRYPTOS (about USD 66), which is barely enough for a few good meals, groceries and supplies. They can view their current balance through a hologram window projected by their ocular implant.
Once they leave the medical bay, they’ll be able to grab a quick meal in the cafeteria and mingle with the other Outsiders just waking up. Today’s menu is stewed pork, vegetables, and rice, all packed neatly in a food ration tray. It doesn’t look too appetizing, but this isn’t exactly a thriving economy.
That familiar, robotic voice is heard again:
"Yeah, this one will do; let's take them to the rest," That's all you see before losing consciousness again, only to wake up in a pod with many others.
"Your questions will be answered soon enough as I'm sure you will have many," a female, robotic voice says.
Just then, your pod opens in a dim corridor with many others. Your new life is about to begin... whether you like it or not.
The pods drain their stasis fluid which wakens each Outsider. When Outsiders emerge from their pod in only their undergarments which have been supplied to them and head to a locker room in the medical bay, to find a towel to dry off with, a set of gray loungewear to wear as LILITH makes the final decision in organizing the Outsider to their rightful teams. If a character has any accessibility needs, they will be found here. It's about then they will feel a sharp pain at the back of their eyes, almost like there’s a foreign body lodged on the inside of their head. This pain will subside quickly as their body adapts to the changes, but there will always be a sensation of something being not quite right. That their bodies have been changed forever. They would be correct in thinking that. In the pod, all Outsiders have been surgically fitted with ocular and brain implants that will enable them to communicate with LILITH and the rest of the crew, and feed them the information they require. Almost like a computer screen has been loaded into their brains, they will see a loading screen as the implant completes its download. A questionnaire will then pop up, waiting for their answer. A voice, robotic and feminine, will also read along in their brain for them.
█ █ █ LOADING COMPLETE … BEGIN ORIENTATION …
Name:
Username:
Civilian Identity:
Age:
Species:
Origin:
What is the cruelest thing you have ever done?
The system will give Outsiders one chance to provide a truthful answer and choose their username and civilian identity. Should they refuse to cooperate, the implant will download the answer directly from their brain (and give them a username or civilian name against their will). This questionnaire will then be posted on the network for all to view and reply to. Almost like an ice-breaker, if you will. LILITH wants all their newest recruits to learn about each other!
Outsiders will receive a quick brief about their situation: They will be told that the year is 2277, and they have been taken to Neo Tokyo, one of the last bastions of mankind in a world terrorized by various Kaiju and monsters. Only a third of the population remain, and LILITH has gathered talented people from other dimensions here as a last ditch effort to save humanity. Outsiders are free to continue asking LILITH questions through their implant, but there’s no guarantee they will provide them with a straight answer …
Outsiders will also notice an implant in their dominant wrist. This implant has a barcode in it that will enable them to purchase goods from the local stores in Neo Tokyo. They will receive a starting balance of 10,000 KRYPTOS (about USD 66), which is barely enough for a few good meals, groceries and supplies. They can view their current balance through a hologram window projected by their ocular implant.
Once they leave the medical bay, they’ll be able to grab a quick meal in the cafeteria and mingle with the other Outsiders just waking up. Today’s menu is stewed pork, vegetables, and rice, all packed neatly in a food ration tray. It doesn’t look too appetizing, but this isn’t exactly a thriving economy.
That familiar, robotic voice is heard again:
"Greetings, my name is SYNTHIA and I will be taking care of you today while the rest of the crew is.. tasked with their other duties. Worry not, my children. You are in safe hands. Please enjoy your complimentary meal which LILITH has carefully prepared. You may then head to your quarters are explore our BASE using the map provided. LILITH has been kind of enough to also offer a festive party for you all. You should all be grateful."
▶ 002. THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS.
With no recent seismic activity, LILITH is confident that Neo Tokyo is at a relative calm - that there are no expected Kaiju encounters for at least the next few weeks. This is the perfect timing for a little festivity, to raise the morale of the Outsiders. LILITH wants its recruits to be well, both physically and mentally after all. It’s time to give back! And so, the planning for the first ever LILITH Christmas Party 2277 begins …
Outsiders will be assigned with various tasks to help with the organizing of the Christmas Party. Unfortunately, even if the party is meant for them, they will still be expected to put in effort to make it happen. Duties include:
🎄Making a trip to the local Neo Tokyo KFC to pick up a massive catering order of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, fries, fried chicken sandwiches, fried chicken wraps and fizzy drinks. Outsiders will have to work together to get the food back to the main base while it’s still hot and fresh or risk disappointing everyone.
🎄Festive decorations! Unfortunately, LILITH is providing no help with this, so Outsiders can either buy cheap decorations from the local stores in Neo Tokyo, or get creative with whatever happens to be around. LILITH did provide a holographic tree, at least? They’ve also provided what appear to be sprigs of artificial mistletoe, but that’s the extent of how far they’re helping with decorations.
🎄Entertain each other! LILITH is mostly depending on the alcohol available to provide the entertainment, but there are karaoke machines and microphones for Outsiders to enjoy. A whole catalogue of holiday songs and other popular songs are available. Christmas movies are also available, but they appear to be generated by A.I. so beyond having some stereotypical Christmas-like themes, they might not make the most sense.
🎄Clean up. It’s back to business as usual once the party’s over, and all Outsiders will be expected to take down their decorations and clean up the mess from the party.
The droll work aside, food and alcohol will be provided abundantly at the party, and from the meager rations being served at the cafeteria, it’s easy to guess that this isn’t a common occurrence. Outsiders are welcome to chat, mingle and relax with the time they have before things start to ramp up.
Outsiders will be assigned with various tasks to help with the organizing of the Christmas Party. Unfortunately, even if the party is meant for them, they will still be expected to put in effort to make it happen. Duties include:
🎄Making a trip to the local Neo Tokyo KFC to pick up a massive catering order of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, fries, fried chicken sandwiches, fried chicken wraps and fizzy drinks. Outsiders will have to work together to get the food back to the main base while it’s still hot and fresh or risk disappointing everyone.
🎄Festive decorations! Unfortunately, LILITH is providing no help with this, so Outsiders can either buy cheap decorations from the local stores in Neo Tokyo, or get creative with whatever happens to be around. LILITH did provide a holographic tree, at least? They’ve also provided what appear to be sprigs of artificial mistletoe, but that’s the extent of how far they’re helping with decorations.
🎄Entertain each other! LILITH is mostly depending on the alcohol available to provide the entertainment, but there are karaoke machines and microphones for Outsiders to enjoy. A whole catalogue of holiday songs and other popular songs are available. Christmas movies are also available, but they appear to be generated by A.I. so beyond having some stereotypical Christmas-like themes, they might not make the most sense.
🎄Clean up. It’s back to business as usual once the party’s over, and all Outsiders will be expected to take down their decorations and clean up the mess from the party.
The droll work aside, food and alcohol will be provided abundantly at the party, and from the meager rations being served at the cafeteria, it’s easy to guess that this isn’t a common occurrence. Outsiders are welcome to chat, mingle and relax with the time they have before things start to ramp up.
▶ 003. THE PARTY CONTINUES (?).
After everyone’s settled in, those sprigs of mistletoe will light up very briefly, and a code will be transmitted directly into the brain implant of some Outsiders. Those Outsiders will feel a sense of calm or merry that seems to have surfaced from nowhere, and a desire to engage in physical contact - be it a hug, holding hands, or a kiss. The effect will wear off once they have obeyed that subliminal command, and walking away from the party can cancel it as well.
What’s that about? Well, LILITH might be testing some new persuasive technology …
What’s that about? Well, LILITH might be testing some new persuasive technology …
"Hey, man, sorry I wasn't around to see your welcoming party! I was too busy █ █ █ing, but I'm back now! My name is Seok Dang. I heard you guys will be simulation training with me today! Try not to get killed! .... Haha, I'm just playing. That can't really happen. I don't think.. Anyway, I'll go easy on ya this time."
▶ 004. SIMULATION #1.
At different times during the week, Outsiders will be summoned into the simulation room and instructed to don their LILITH-issued plugsuits. They will then be paired or grouped up to conduct a battle simulation. After being ushered into the training grounds, the room will turn pitch dark, and a briefing sheet will be projected from their eye implant.
They will be able to access the briefing sheet at any time during the simulation by simply asking to see it. After each Outsider has read the mission brief, the simulation will begin, and they will find themselves right in the middle of Paris, the city and capital of France. The city looks to be under siege with Kaedan running amok. Though they aren’t fast creatures, their numbers alone are enough to put a large part of the city in ruin; with several buildings falling apart from being doused in acid, fires breaking out from vehicles crashing in the frenzy, and people in all states of suffering and devastation (some burning from the flames and acid, others screaming as they are eaten alive). Those familiar with the city might notice many landmarks of note (the Eiffel tower and the Louvre, for example). Sightseeing is possible in these landmarks as they were coded to be quite accurate to reality, if you ignore the screaming and monsters around you. There are residential buildings, shops and government buildings as well, but less attention was paid to their coding, with many apartments looking quite similar on the inside. VR isn’t perfect, so there might be some funny glitches occurring as well (like NPCs being stuck to a wall or eating their shoe like it’s pasta).
Outsiders will encounter many different rescue and kill scenarios, many of them testing their physical strength, their tactical knowledge and their morality. (We will leave this to players to make up for themselves.) Within the simulation, pain feels very much ‘real’, as do every other sight, sound and sensation, and Outsiders leave the simulation and find themselves in the break room if they are ‘killed’ during it. Outsiders who refuse to participate will be heavily encouraged to do so. They might find the monsters particularly interested in hunting and eating them or they might see a familiar face or voice within the crowd of cowering civilians.
At the end of the simulation, everyone’s score is laid out above their heads in a hologram for all to see. Somehow ended up with negative rescue points from killing more people than you save? Well, you might have some explaining to do.
They will be able to access the briefing sheet at any time during the simulation by simply asking to see it. After each Outsider has read the mission brief, the simulation will begin, and they will find themselves right in the middle of Paris, the city and capital of France. The city looks to be under siege with Kaedan running amok. Though they aren’t fast creatures, their numbers alone are enough to put a large part of the city in ruin; with several buildings falling apart from being doused in acid, fires breaking out from vehicles crashing in the frenzy, and people in all states of suffering and devastation (some burning from the flames and acid, others screaming as they are eaten alive). Those familiar with the city might notice many landmarks of note (the Eiffel tower and the Louvre, for example). Sightseeing is possible in these landmarks as they were coded to be quite accurate to reality, if you ignore the screaming and monsters around you. There are residential buildings, shops and government buildings as well, but less attention was paid to their coding, with many apartments looking quite similar on the inside. VR isn’t perfect, so there might be some funny glitches occurring as well (like NPCs being stuck to a wall or eating their shoe like it’s pasta).
Outsiders will encounter many different rescue and kill scenarios, many of them testing their physical strength, their tactical knowledge and their morality. (We will leave this to players to make up for themselves.) Within the simulation, pain feels very much ‘real’, as do every other sight, sound and sensation, and Outsiders leave the simulation and find themselves in the break room if they are ‘killed’ during it. Outsiders who refuse to participate will be heavily encouraged to do so. They might find the monsters particularly interested in hunting and eating them or they might see a familiar face or voice within the crowd of cowering civilians.
At the end of the simulation, everyone’s score is laid out above their heads in a hologram for all to see. Somehow ended up with negative rescue points from killing more people than you save? Well, you might have some explaining to do.
█ █ █ MONSTER DEBRIEF SHEET:
NAME: Kaendan
HEIGHT: 2 m
WEIGHT: 90kg
CLASS: Gastropoda, Omnivorous (eating plant and animal matter, including humans)
THREAT LEVEL: EASY when cornered alone, INTERMEDIATE when in numbers.
LOCATION: Paris, France (Simulation)
ABILITIES: Acidic slime, which can spit out from its mouth. Use of slime to climb most surfaces. Can surround itself in a cocoon of acid. Teeth contain poison. Body is rubbery, so it can withstand some punching.
WEAKNESS: Heat, salt, dissection. Must be near water source to make all that slime.
EXTRA NOTES: Will use the slime to digest its victims and then eats them once they are melted.
█ █ █ MISSION OBJECTIVE:
✖ Complete destruction of the invasive Kaendan colony before it destroys the city and its civilians.
✖ Rescue of civilian lives
✖ Organize safe and orderly evacuation of civilians to the designated emergency shelters
✖ Protection of safe zone from Kaendan
✖ Preservation of infrastructure, with special attention to government buildings and historic monuments
EXTRA NOTES: Each Kaendan killed equates 1 KILL POINT, and each civilian rescued equates 1 RESCUE POINT. Killing civilians, whether on purpose or by accident, results in rescue points being subtracted. Every Outsider’s score will be tallied up after the simulation ends.
█ █ █ ATTACHED PHOTO:
▶ 005. AFTERWORD.
Welcome to our first TDM! All prompts are optional but heavily encouraged. All TDMs are game canon; characters who don't app will be glitched out of this world. Don’t suit your fancy? Feel free to check out our main base and locations page and make up your own prompts! Please shoot TDM-related questions below.
Use the code provided if you'd like to participate in the ice breaker and place it in your top level along with your other prompts. Anything such as civilian name or username can be marked as UNDECIDED if you're unsure of what you'd like your character to have for now.
Have fun with the simulation and feel free to NPC the monster provided along with your character's score and outcome. This is similar to how monster fights will occur.
Use the code provided if you'd like to participate in the ice breaker and place it in your top level along with your other prompts. Anything such as civilian name or username can be marked as UNDECIDED if you're unsure of what you'd like your character to have for now.
Have fun with the simulation and feel free to NPC the monster provided along with your character's score and outcome. This is similar to how monster fights will occur.
no subject
He just can't yet.
Still, he does keep sort of...orbiting Katsuki? Keeping him in peripherals if nothing else. It's half the anxiety of what had happened prior to arrival but also half training and survival instincts to keep the one known quantity within range for backup. Or...something. Maybe it's mostly the anxiety and reassurance, although Izuku's mostly surprised Katsuki hasn't wandered off somewhere away from the party yet. He's not sure why that is. It can't be the same reason Izuku is still here, he doesn't think?
But he does drop onto the couch that Katsuki's sitting on, probably too close as Izuku covers a yawn with one hand and lets his head fall against the back of the couch. ]
Kacchan's tolerance level is weirdly high today, huh.
no subject
But like so many things, Katsuki wants to handle that burden in private. Izuku's not hovering around him like a balloon, but he knows the other boy is still there, always within sight and keeping watch on him. As much as it irritates him, Katsuki won't reject the one piece of home that remains here with him. It's not like he hadn't developed a sort of habit in regards to keeping his own eye on Izuku. No one's forgetting Izuku's rouge period either.
He's the main reason Katsuki hasn't packed up and left. Not that he'll admit it even as the other hero sinks into the couch beside him. Don't fucking yawn! It's contagious!]
Urusei. This mean you're ready to go?
no subject
You were waiting for me? [ Like an idiot, Izuku verbalizes it instead of keeping it to himself, tone laced with quiet amusement. He's used to Katsuki turning in at an old man bedtime rather than a teenager one. ]
no subject
No! I was just making sure you didn't do something stupid! [See? Completely denying it once Izuku actually brings it up. Hey, it's not his fault he likes to get decent sleep at a PROPER hour so he can get up early and do his normal exercises. Without interference.]
no subject
Well. Izuku Midoriya could absolutely get into trouble at a Christmas party, okay? He just didn't manage to at this one as of yet. There's still time, though.
He knocks his side into Katsuki's, then stays there. ]
It's been kind of fun, anyway. I mean, this is all still extremely weird, but I did learn to carve eggs?
no subject
It's not whether Izuku could get into trouble at a simple Christmas party; it's what kind of trouble he'd get into. Not to mention they're in a world that's under attack by monsters, so...
Katsuki grunts at the bump, letting it "push" his head another direction to stop looking at his classmate.]
How do you not know how to carve an egg?
[Better clarify you mean the art form, not just cutting up a hard boiled egg, Izuku...]
no subject
He notices that Katsuki didn't shove him away when Izuku stayed stuck to his side and Izuku is taking advantage of this by not moving away either, happy enough to just hang out although his eyes are definitely shut now as he zones out a little more. ]
no subject
What'd you do with the eggs?
[He knows Izuku wouldn't sit by while someone blew the egg out of the shell into the trash, but... Katsuki's quiet demeanor doesn't change as the warmth soaks into his side, Izuku's presence a calming effect for once. Not sure why that is.]
no subject
So, I'm not quite sure...
no subject
[This is Izuku. He's probably get the process written down, either in his head for transcribing later or already on a paper somewhere.]
no subject
Hey, Kacchan?
no subject
Katsuki clicks his tongue in annoyance, but permits it to happen. Just this once.]
What?
no subject
But it had felt rather like his heart had stopped beating when he'd shown up and Katsuki wasn't moving. Wasn't even breathing, he didn't think. ]
You scared me.
no subject
Izuku had seen his dead body. How the hell else would Izuku feel after seeing him revived and alive?
Katsuki knows the other boy like the back of his hand, even if he doesn't agree with him a lot of times and gets confused/weirded by him plenty of other times. Izuku wouldn't have responded to that sight positively at all.
And now they're here. Izuku already scanned him over in the locker rooms, looking directly at his chest, indicating he knew what damage Katsuki had taken. Yeah, he knows exactly what Izuku means when he talks right now.]
I lived.
no subject
That's happened more than once for Katsuki specifically. It turns out when you grow up side by side with someone for as long as you can remember, they end up being important to you - at least, when they started out that way. Or...well...
Katsuki's always been "Kacchan". The kids they used to play with back then eventually fell out of touch with the both of them, but back then the two of them had often gone off on their own together anyway. How they got along and who they were to one another had changed multiple times over the years, and these days Izuku's tentatively thrilled about the way they can speak to one another normally. He thinks they're probably friends, even if Katsuki's never said so and might actually actively deny it.
Izuku reaches out impulsively for the hand nearest him. ]
Yeah, but I think you died, too.
no subject
And then he was here. With those memories. It's not like Izuku wasn't important to him either. The scars on his shoulder and side are proof of that. When he realized in a split instinctive second that the boy he grew up with was about to die... and he was not okay with that.
Of course Katsuki's going to actively deny it. He denies it when Shouto says it and he denies it when Eijirou says it (the former more vitriolically because Shouto pisses him off... kinda). Izuku's never outright said it and Katsuki was enraged when Ochako implied it, so... yeah, don't expect him to admit it when/if it comes around.
Just who he is. Pay attention to his actions, not his words, for that stuff.]
Can we stop talking about this?
[There's a tension in his voice, creeping in from the back of his neck, not wanting to admit to what he knew happened... because while Katsuki knows a hero should be ready to die if necessary to protect, save, and win... IT'S NOT FUCKING FUN!!]
no subject
It's an option. It's the one they've gone for nine times out of ten since they were in diapers, until the moment it all exploded and they were fighting it out physically and violently. Izuku seriously considers it because of the terse tone in Katsuki's voice.
But after a long silence he sits up straighter, and turns in his seat on the couch. Izuku's leg curls up under him, the other still hanging off the side as he eyes Katsuki closely, clearly considering jumping off a cliff. If one could consider "a cliff" as being "attempting to be a functional friend, maybe?????" or whatever the hell Izuku's feeling right now condensed into something stupid. ]
I don't want to stop talking about things for ten years again, Kacchan. [ Or just...that. ]
no subject
Who really wants to sit in the shadows of a party and talk about how they almost died?
Katsuki feels Izuku lift off him and wonders if that tense request for time is going to be translated to "leave me alone" while Izuku walks off somewhere. Wouldn't be the first instance of it... Instead Izuku sticks his eyes on him again, scanning once more until the blonde's averted gaze is deliberate rather than happenstance.
The question earns a brief snort of annoyance.]
So what, I'm not allowed to say "wait" on one fucking topic?
[This HIS damn death! He can take all the time he wants to process it himself! There's a billion other things to talk about!]
no subject
Izuku was being selfish. He breathes out, slow, as his teeth release his lip at the realization. He's not going to put all of that on Katsuki. Izuku is a hero - he's going to be the best hero. All Might wouldn't be sitting here asking for reassurance or needing it, Izuku doesn't think, and he definitely wouldn't share that the shadows in and under his eyes were getting to him, so Izuku won't, either. None of that weight should be on anyone else but himself, and it matters so much less than the weight he can see on Katsuki. And...Katsuki would never agree to split that with him. Right now, he doesn't need or want Izuku to be a friend. He's asking for Izuku to pretend nothing happened and nothing is wrong - what he needs is a hero who doesn't have the same problems or intertwined ones and who can be strong enough not to be at all weak. Right now, Katsuki's the one who has reason to crumble, and that means - Izuku just can't. Right. That actually makes it easier, when he thinks about it like that, taking in the attack-dog lines of Katsuki's shoulders. If he's being strong for someone else, maybe Izuku can pretend the rest of it isn't actually true.
So Izuku drags out his best comforting smile instead of pressing on, writing reassurance in a squeeze of his hand before he lets it fall and drop back into his own lap. ]
No, of course you can. Forget about it - that wasn't any of my business to say. Let's pretend I never did. [ He infuses his tone with softness and warmth and his back straightens automatically as he switches modes from "off" to "on". ] Did you enjoy the party?
no subject
God, this damn nerd overreacts to everything ... says the guy who's melodramatic as hell.
There's a difference between Izuku's smiles. Not the actual ones that cross his face, as brilliant and cheerful as they always are. No, the difference comes before the smile appears. When Katsuki sees the way his muscles move under his cheeks and grip at his lips. A natural smile is carried by the smooth motion of his sinew curving into the familiar expression, flowing with light emotions and a glowing heart. A forced smile is dragged by deliberate actions that make his muscles lift into a facsimile of that well-practiced mask, hiding from almost everyone how heavy and dark Izuku's heart is behind it.
That hand squeezing on his own is less reassurance of returning to this later and more the resignation of releasing a lifeline to accept drowning in the water instead.]
I'm not forgetting or pretending shit, Izuku. [Katsuki rests his elbow on the table and props his cheek against his chest, looking at Izuku with a blase expression but pointed narrow red eyes. Piercing right through his expression and words.] You said it, and I'm not gonna let your stupid ass run away.
[Under the table, he moves his leg and presses the ball of his foot atop Izuku's foot, grinding slightly in a reprimanding sort of way.]
Give me a few days. [Izuku knows that's how Katsuki operates. Hell, Izuku operates the same way with his own issues. How many times has Izuku said "I'm fine" or "It's okay" and retreated rather than address whatever he's struggling with? Hypocrite.] Anytime you feel scared, look at me so you know I'm alive.
[Or tick him off and gets punched in the head so it'll really sink in.]
no subject
At that offer, though, Izuku's quick to shake his head with a little laugh. He nudges Katsuki's foot back, not really trying to dislodge him.
Izuku wants to be someone brave and reliable. It's something to hold onto and focus on, that image of All Might's broad back and confident smile. Izuku's seen behind all of that by now, but he knows just how much that ideal had sheltered him as a kid. ]
That's not really necessary. I'm fine, Kacchan. [ Or, well, it isn't like Katsuki is going to know otherwise when he already has a valid reason having been told to him as to why Izuku's tired. ] I was just checking in, I don't actually want to talk about any of it. But I do want to talk about how your day was today? You ignored the question...
no subject
But Izuku didn't ask for help this time. He started talking about Katsuki's death and Katsuki didn't want to talk about it. Not a question in there. And now he's doing that same damn crap he usually does when he gets sparked: hauls everything back and tucks into his stupid shell so as to never get sparked again. Because that'd put a burden on the sparker. Or something lame.
Katsuki and the others in class already told Izuku he can't be All Might. Even if he follows he same path, he's not him. And he'll never be him. Katsuki had always wanted to surpass All Might, not become him. He doesn't know which is true for Izuku, as he has elements of both thought processes. Emulate. Surpass. All Might was amazing... but he wasn't perfect. He got things wrong. And passed or unconsciously encouraged those same things onto Izuku. Like now.]
Seriously? [Katsuki rolls his head more towards Izuku, glowering at him in an angry gremlin face.] How stupid do you think I am? [Lying to his face he "doesn't want to talk about any of it" when he was JUST asking about it! Katsuki's not banning the entire topic! Like shutting the fucking buffet because someone didn't want salad.
Ugh! He drops his head against the booth back. This kid's addicted to sour grapes sometimes.] It's fucking stupid. But the food was better than the rations. Whoever's wailing on stage needs to be put outta their misery.
no subject
It's no surprise that an immediate refusal had him backing off from it. Izuku will reach out to other people for their sake a thousand times, but if it's for his own sake - that's a lot harder. He's learned the wrong lesson too many times, that there won't be someone there to share the burden with him. It was a tentative, hesitantly brave attempt made with no real belief in his own success, and luckily Izuku is used to drowning and learning to swim on his own.
He just shoots Katsuki an amused little smile when he asks "how stupid do you think I am?" because the truth is that it doesn't matter that Katsuki's whip-smart - he can't call Izuku on it really because he's not about to really talk about it ever, Izuku knows, so he'll get away with pretending that he's fine and didn't not-quite reach out his hand and have it smacked away like usual. They both know Katsuki can't call him on it fully, too. ]
You say that, but you haven't gone up there to sing yourself.
no subject
No, he can't call Izuku out on that entire thing; Katsuki's no better about reaching out to others either. Though he doesn't ever try to, only wanting to handle things on his own so no one else has to see the weakness brought about by painful struggles. While his experiences have at least led him to mature enough to acknowledge those struggles aren't deserving of being damned, it's still difficult for him to even admit he's struggling with something.
Which leads him to a Catch 22 right now.
Return to a topic he's not ready to talk about in order to appease Izuku, which will only make Izuku uncomfortable knowing Katsuki's not comfortable but doing it just to make Izuku feel better, thus beginning a downward spiral recursive loop. Or keep to what he intends to do-- wait --and let Izuku feel slighted and unimportant while pretending it's all fine, thus reinforcing Izuku's lacking self-confidence over whether he can and should reach out if he's struggling...]
Cause all their songs fucking suck.
no subject
He'd never really opened up after coming back about what had been going on in his head while he was out there alone, either. He'd cried and talked to All Might when the older hero came to apologize, of course, but otherwise Izuku had mostly been quiet and complacent and let his classmates rush him through a round of self care. So, it's a bit easy to fall back into old habits even if Izuku had said I don't want to stop talking about things in a moment he already considers selfish. His greatest flaw has always been self-sacrifice and a tendency to place himself last at any given moment; the haphazard attempts he's made over the years to do otherwise have been extremely hit and miss.
He's still laughing a little bit, though. This particular variety of pretending has always been the kind that can become the truth if you bury the rest down deep enough; it's how Izuku interacted with his mom for years whenever she asked about school. ]
What, all of them? So you checked? [ That sounds dangerously like considering doing karaoke. Izuku shifts again, his hands twisting together in his lap as he tries to keep them occupied. He's not sure why touching Katsuki is at the forefront of his mind right now, but Izuku doesn't actually have a death wish even if he'd gotten away with it a bit at the start. It's weird, but not unusual enough for Izuku to really worry about; he'd had to unlearn all his habits as a kid once they'd fallen out, when before he'd always been sort of clingy. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)