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sinfucks2024-01-01 11:01 am
synfluxmods) wrote in sinfucks2024-01-01 11:01 am
Entry tags:
▶ 002. TEST DRIVE & SIMULATION #2
TEST DRIVE & SIMULATION #2
▶ 001. ARRIVAL / CAFETERIA.
It happens in the blink of an eye -- a dash of time. You're taken from where you were. What you were doing.. it isn't important anymore, and slowly, you give up to desire your normal life. When you awake, figures are looking down on you from a surgical table.
"Yeah, this one will do; let's take them to the rest," That's all you see before losing consciousness again, only to wake up in a pod with many others.
"Your questions will be answered soon enough as I'm sure you will have many," a female, robotic voice says.
Just then, your pod opens in a dim corridor with many others. Your new life is about to begin... whether you like it or not.
The pods drain their stasis fluid which wakens each Outsider. When Outsiders emerge from their pod in only their undergarments which have been supplied to them and head to a locker room in the medical bay, to find a towel to dry off with, a set of gray loungewear to wear as LILITH makes the final decision in organizing the Outsider to their rightful teams. If a character has any accessibility needs, they will be found here. It's about then they will feel a sharp pain at the back of their eyes, almost like there’s a foreign body lodged on the inside of their head. This pain will subside quickly as their body adapts to the changes, but there will always be a sensation of something being not quite right. That their bodies have been changed forever. They would be correct in thinking that. In the pod, all Outsiders have been surgically fitted with ocular and brain implants that will enable them to communicate with LILITH and the rest of the crew, and feed them the information they require. Almost like a computer screen has been loaded into their brains, they will see a loading screen as the implant completes its download. A questionnaire will then pop up, waiting for their answer. A voice, robotic and feminine, will also read along in their brain for them.
█ █ █ LOADING COMPLETE … BEGIN ORIENTATION …
The system will give Outsiders one chance to provide a truthful answer and choose their username and civilian identity. Should they refuse to cooperate, the implant will download the answer directly from their brain (and give them a username or civilian name against their will). This questionnaire will then be posted on the network for all to view and reply to. Almost like an ice-breaker, if you will. LILITH wants all their newest recruits to learn about each other!
Outsiders will receive a quick brief about their situation: They will be told that the year is 2278, and they have been taken to Neo Tokyo, one of the last bastions of mankind in a world terrorized by various Kaiju and monsters. Only a third of the population remains, and LILITH has gathered talented people from other dimensions here as a last ditch effort to save humanity. Outsiders are free to continue asking LILITH questions through their implant, but there’s no guarantee they will provide them with a straight answer …
Outsiders will also notice an implant in their dominant wrist. This implant has a barcode in it that will enable them to purchase goods from the local stores in Neo Tokyo. They will receive a starting balance of 10,000 KRYPTOS (about USD 66), which is barely enough for a few good meals, groceries and supplies. They can view their current balance through a hologram window projected by their ocular implant.
Once they leave the medical bay, they’ll be able to grab a quick meal in the cafeteria and mingle with the other Outsiders just waking up. Today’s menu is fugu (pufferfish), miso soup, and rice, all packed neatly in a food ration tray. Unlike last month, this meal looks like it is carefully prepared for the new year!
That familiar, robotic voice is heard again:
"Yeah, this one will do; let's take them to the rest," That's all you see before losing consciousness again, only to wake up in a pod with many others.
"Your questions will be answered soon enough as I'm sure you will have many," a female, robotic voice says.
Just then, your pod opens in a dim corridor with many others. Your new life is about to begin... whether you like it or not.
The pods drain their stasis fluid which wakens each Outsider. When Outsiders emerge from their pod in only their undergarments which have been supplied to them and head to a locker room in the medical bay, to find a towel to dry off with, a set of gray loungewear to wear as LILITH makes the final decision in organizing the Outsider to their rightful teams. If a character has any accessibility needs, they will be found here. It's about then they will feel a sharp pain at the back of their eyes, almost like there’s a foreign body lodged on the inside of their head. This pain will subside quickly as their body adapts to the changes, but there will always be a sensation of something being not quite right. That their bodies have been changed forever. They would be correct in thinking that. In the pod, all Outsiders have been surgically fitted with ocular and brain implants that will enable them to communicate with LILITH and the rest of the crew, and feed them the information they require. Almost like a computer screen has been loaded into their brains, they will see a loading screen as the implant completes its download. A questionnaire will then pop up, waiting for their answer. A voice, robotic and feminine, will also read along in their brain for them.
█ █ █ LOADING COMPLETE … BEGIN ORIENTATION …
Name:
Username:
Civilian Identity:
Age:
Species:
Origin:
What is your goal for the New Year? (2278)
The system will give Outsiders one chance to provide a truthful answer and choose their username and civilian identity. Should they refuse to cooperate, the implant will download the answer directly from their brain (and give them a username or civilian name against their will). This questionnaire will then be posted on the network for all to view and reply to. Almost like an ice-breaker, if you will. LILITH wants all their newest recruits to learn about each other!
Outsiders will receive a quick brief about their situation: They will be told that the year is 2278, and they have been taken to Neo Tokyo, one of the last bastions of mankind in a world terrorized by various Kaiju and monsters. Only a third of the population remains, and LILITH has gathered talented people from other dimensions here as a last ditch effort to save humanity. Outsiders are free to continue asking LILITH questions through their implant, but there’s no guarantee they will provide them with a straight answer …
Outsiders will also notice an implant in their dominant wrist. This implant has a barcode in it that will enable them to purchase goods from the local stores in Neo Tokyo. They will receive a starting balance of 10,000 KRYPTOS (about USD 66), which is barely enough for a few good meals, groceries and supplies. They can view their current balance through a hologram window projected by their ocular implant.
Once they leave the medical bay, they’ll be able to grab a quick meal in the cafeteria and mingle with the other Outsiders just waking up. Today’s menu is fugu (pufferfish), miso soup, and rice, all packed neatly in a food ration tray. Unlike last month, this meal looks like it is carefully prepared for the new year!
That familiar, robotic voice is heard again:
"Greetings, my name is SYNTHIA and I will be taking care of you today while the rest of the crew is out drinking. Worry not, my children. You are in safe hands. Please enjoy your complimentary meal which LILITH has carefully prepared. You may then head to your quarters are explore our BASE using the map provided. We hope this New Year will bring you fortune and good health as you, well.. fight for your lives here. :)"
▶ 002. HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Preparations begin at the end of the year with everyone cleaning and getting their last minute shopping in before one of the biggest holidays of the year. The quiet shrines of the city have begun to come to life as they set up their New Year displays and vendors begin to set up their tables and tents outside their grounds. Characters may find themselves roped into helping with the vendor setup.
By New Year's Eve, the shrines are alive with warm, welcoming lights but none can enter the gates until midnight. That shouldn't be a problem because, outside the shrine grounds, there are plenty of vendors selling classic and trendy street foods. Other vendors sell masks, light up toys, dolls, and other goods.
As midnight draws near, everyone begins to line up to enter the shrine grounds. Some shrines may even be offering warm tea or sake to people waiting in line. There's a final countdown and a drum bangs. The line begins to move and everyone moves up to pray for the new year. After praying, characters can buy charms or pull for fortunes. Good luck!
By New Year's Eve, the shrines are alive with warm, welcoming lights but none can enter the gates until midnight. That shouldn't be a problem because, outside the shrine grounds, there are plenty of vendors selling classic and trendy street foods. Other vendors sell masks, light up toys, dolls, and other goods.
As midnight draws near, everyone begins to line up to enter the shrine grounds. Some shrines may even be offering warm tea or sake to people waiting in line. There's a final countdown and a drum bangs. The line begins to move and everyone moves up to pray for the new year. After praying, characters can buy charms or pull for fortunes. Good luck!
▶ 003. BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.
While the help around the base gets dispersed out for the New Years preparations, things at the base aren’t as peaceful as they should be. During the base’s last quarter review, a few routine checks were overlooked, and as a result the pipes are frozen and the centralized heating is on the fritz.
With no real access to warm water at the base, Outsiders are given vouchers for the hot spring and local bath houses. They are encouraged to maintain a good sense of hygiene and will be prompted on their ocular implants to remember to take a bath. The city has a number of options, but Outsiders will be warned to choose carefully. Apparently, the new trend in the city are rejuvenating waters that have different effects once they touch skin. Rather than actual physical changes, these effects seem to tamper with the mind, making those who soak in these waters more susceptible to suggestion. Whatever that means! Hopefully no one asks for some extra KRYPTOS when you’re feeling unusually generous.
Unfortunately, even back at the base, it's basically a tundra. Everyone will be encouraged to keep warm the old school way— blankets, extra layers, and maybe even a bit of body heat sharing will be encouraged. What’s a better way to foster teamwork?
With no real access to warm water at the base, Outsiders are given vouchers for the hot spring and local bath houses. They are encouraged to maintain a good sense of hygiene and will be prompted on their ocular implants to remember to take a bath. The city has a number of options, but Outsiders will be warned to choose carefully. Apparently, the new trend in the city are rejuvenating waters that have different effects once they touch skin. Rather than actual physical changes, these effects seem to tamper with the mind, making those who soak in these waters more susceptible to suggestion. Whatever that means! Hopefully no one asks for some extra KRYPTOS when you’re feeling unusually generous.
Unfortunately, even back at the base, it's basically a tundra. Everyone will be encouraged to keep warm the old school way— blankets, extra layers, and maybe even a bit of body heat sharing will be encouraged. What’s a better way to foster teamwork?
"Holy shit, I am still.. so fucking drunk.. damn. Okay, uh, let's do this.. I'm going to try not to puke, but not making any promises. Never again am I going to try to out drink Captain Yamakawa. She's small, don't be fooled, that bitch can drink like a fish. Dunno why, but there's something hot about that. If you don't know who I am by now, my name is .. is ... S.. Seok .. ughh.. hrk-- "
[ CONNECTION LOST. ]
▶ 004. SIMULATION #2.
At different times during the week, Outsiders will be summoned into the simulation room and instructed to don their LILITH-issued plugsuits. They will then be paired or grouped up to conduct a battle simulation. After being ushered into the training grounds, the room will turn pitch dark, and a briefing sheet will be projected from their eye implant.
They will be able to access the briefing sheet at any time during the simulation by simply asking to see it. After each Outsider has read the mission brief, the simulation will begin, and they will find themselves right in the picturesque little town of Furano, Hokkaido, Japan. In the winter months, it looks like a snow-covered wonderland, with wooden cottages and oak trees on a backdrop of a snowy mountain. There is a ski resort too. It looks like a wonderful place to spend what remains of winter.
If you ignore the Yuki-Daruma that are trudging through the small town and turning it upside down. Seriously, what's with the simulation today? Is this really a Kaiju? Last you saw of Seok Dang, he was a belligerent mess, so he's a bit more ... liberal with the storyline today. Don't mind him.
The Yuki-Daruma do not eat people but they will be destroying homes, crushing civilians and burying them under a mountain of snow. Given that Seok Dang is intoxicated right now, Outsiders may find way more glitches than usual too (Why do these civilians keep running toward the monster rather than away from it? Why is that one civilian sipping tea while on fire? Who knows.)
Non-compliance with the simulation today ... won't result in very much happening, given that Seok Dang isn't monitoring. However, you will remain trapped in the simulation until he decides to let you out. In fact, everyone will remain trapped in the simulation for at least a few hours after all the monsters are killed because your resident simulation engineer seems to have passed out in the control booth? (Characters who die will just need to suffer with their wounds. Sorry.)
If you shout at the sky loud enough, maybe he will wake up.
They will be able to access the briefing sheet at any time during the simulation by simply asking to see it. After each Outsider has read the mission brief, the simulation will begin, and they will find themselves right in the picturesque little town of Furano, Hokkaido, Japan. In the winter months, it looks like a snow-covered wonderland, with wooden cottages and oak trees on a backdrop of a snowy mountain. There is a ski resort too. It looks like a wonderful place to spend what remains of winter.
If you ignore the Yuki-Daruma that are trudging through the small town and turning it upside down. Seriously, what's with the simulation today? Is this really a Kaiju? Last you saw of Seok Dang, he was a belligerent mess, so he's a bit more ... liberal with the storyline today. Don't mind him.
The Yuki-Daruma do not eat people but they will be destroying homes, crushing civilians and burying them under a mountain of snow. Given that Seok Dang is intoxicated right now, Outsiders may find way more glitches than usual too (Why do these civilians keep running toward the monster rather than away from it? Why is that one civilian sipping tea while on fire? Who knows.)
Non-compliance with the simulation today ... won't result in very much happening, given that Seok Dang isn't monitoring. However, you will remain trapped in the simulation until he decides to let you out. In fact, everyone will remain trapped in the simulation for at least a few hours after all the monsters are killed because your resident simulation engineer seems to have passed out in the control booth? (Characters who die will just need to suffer with their wounds. Sorry.)
If you shout at the sky loud enough, maybe he will wake up.
█ █ █ MONSTER DEBRIEF SHEET:
NAME: YUKI-DARUMA
HEIGHT: 4m to infinite (Due to melding together)
WEIGHT: 100kg
CLASS: UNABLE TO BE CLASSED - UNKNOWN
THREAT LEVEL: INTERMEDIATE
LOCATION: HOKKAIDO, JAPAN (SIMULATION)
ABILITIES: Despite appearing as a snowman, the “snow” they are made of and throw are far more dense due to their ability to affect the gravity of what it touches. This is also why its weight may be far beyond what it listed. They are also capable of melding into one another and growing far more formidable.
WEAKNESS: Heat, light, and liquid.
EXTRA NOTES: Due to how large the species is capable of becoming, it is suggested to work in pairs or teams to defeat those that have already merged.
█ █ █ MISSION OBJECTIVE:
✖ Completely destroy the YUKI-DARUMA before they become any larger and destroy the city
✖ Rescue of civilian lives from YUKI-DARUMA
✖ Search and rescue of civilians buried in snow
✖ Organize safe and orderly evacuation of civilians to the designated emergency shelters
✖ Protection of safe zone from YUKI-DARUMA
✖ Teamwork to destroy the larger YUKI-DARUMA
EXTRA NOTES: Each YUKI-DARUMA killed equates 1 KILL POINT, and each civilian rescued equates 1 RESCUE POINT. Killing civilians, whether on purpose or by accident, results in rescue points being subtracted. Working with those in the same respective team gives 1 EXTRA POINT. Every team’s score will be tallied up after the simulation ends.
█ █ █ ATTACHED PHOTO:
▶ 005. BRACE YOURSELVES, SOMETHING IS COMING.
Besides those few times the Outsiders have been dropped into the simulation and left to struggle, it's been a relatively easy month for everyone so far. The local population seems to think so too, remarking that it's been a while since they've last had a wide scale attack, that it must be some sort of holiday blessing. Of course, things are never quiet for too long.
On the evening of the 5th of January, an earthquake seems to rock the bustling city of Neo Tokyo. It's not large enough to cause significant structural damage, but it's certainly large enough to destroy some of the older buildings, cause havoc in traffic and send the civilians into a frenzy. The local population seem to be stricken with terror, staying home whenever they can. When asked what has them so afraid, they will tell you that 'it's coming ...'.
They are right to be afraid. Shortly after, a storm hits the city, sending a downpour of rain that does not seem to relent. Those who linger by Tokyo Bay will notice some disturbance in the waters. The waves seem to be picking up when they're usually calm, and they splash against the shoreline, growing bigger each time. It eventually gets to a point the waves are standing several meters high. It's a tsunami, and it's heading directly for the city, flooding everything in its path.
As their first call to action since arriving, Outsiders will receive a mission brief in their implant that will pop up in their vision no matter where they may be.
A few days after the disaster, the sun is shining on glistening snow and ice. Outsiders have been given a few nights hostel stay since their arrival with one another categorized by team in the bay area until the mission is finished. Everlight & Brimstone will be staying in Moonlight Inn and Redemption & Revelation will be staying in 11 Hours. Both hostels are similar with two bunk beds in each room. A handful of buildings near the bay area have been demolished by the tsunami and flooding. Outsiders will be encouraged to help clean up, being provided with safety masks and gloves to prevent inhaling anything.. too toxic. It's a mystery what is in the ocean water nowadays. LILITH will set Outsiders out to help with any after math clean up-- those with any sorts of healing abilities will be ushered into the streets and hospitals to assist. Civilians who are curious of these kinds of abilities will know Outsiders are recruits of LILITH, a place with higher technology than most. As for the threat that seemed imminent, it seems to have vanished... for now. A new message will appear on the Outsider's implant with a game plan:
On the evening of the 5th of January, an earthquake seems to rock the bustling city of Neo Tokyo. It's not large enough to cause significant structural damage, but it's certainly large enough to destroy some of the older buildings, cause havoc in traffic and send the civilians into a frenzy. The local population seem to be stricken with terror, staying home whenever they can. When asked what has them so afraid, they will tell you that 'it's coming ...'.
They are right to be afraid. Shortly after, a storm hits the city, sending a downpour of rain that does not seem to relent. Those who linger by Tokyo Bay will notice some disturbance in the waters. The waves seem to be picking up when they're usually calm, and they splash against the shoreline, growing bigger each time. It eventually gets to a point the waves are standing several meters high. It's a tsunami, and it's heading directly for the city, flooding everything in its path.
As their first call to action since arriving, Outsiders will receive a mission brief in their implant that will pop up in their vision no matter where they may be.
█ █ █ NEW MISSION BRIEFOutsiders will be sent to Tokyo Bay via a helicopter and ordered to hold back or weaken the tsunami (if possible), rescue civilians, minimise structural damage, organise safe evacuation and act as first responders. Good luck everyone! Neo Tokyo is counting on you!
LILITH has detected unnatural weather and wave formations. We will continue to investigate this seismic activity, but there is historical reason to believe that a Kaiju attack is imminent. As LILITH endeavors to obtain a status briefing on this threat, all Outsiders are to respond immediately to minimise civilian casualties and structural damage.
A few days after the disaster, the sun is shining on glistening snow and ice. Outsiders have been given a few nights hostel stay since their arrival with one another categorized by team in the bay area until the mission is finished. Everlight & Brimstone will be staying in Moonlight Inn and Redemption & Revelation will be staying in 11 Hours. Both hostels are similar with two bunk beds in each room. A handful of buildings near the bay area have been demolished by the tsunami and flooding. Outsiders will be encouraged to help clean up, being provided with safety masks and gloves to prevent inhaling anything.. too toxic. It's a mystery what is in the ocean water nowadays. LILITH will set Outsiders out to help with any after math clean up-- those with any sorts of healing abilities will be ushered into the streets and hospitals to assist. Civilians who are curious of these kinds of abilities will know Outsiders are recruits of LILITH, a place with higher technology than most. As for the threat that seemed imminent, it seems to have vanished... for now. A new message will appear on the Outsider's implant with a game plan:
█ █ █ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
RETREAT BACK TO BASE. WE WILL DEPART AT 15:00."Captain Yamakawa speaking. You all did your.. best. I guess that's all I can really ask for. We will be sending out own investigation team out to locate the threat as it seems to have retreated. Some of these monsters.. they can teleport or be very good at hiding. We ask you return to base and await further instructions. Pray we don't lose sight of it."
▶ 006. AFTERWORD.
Welcome to our second TDM! All TDM threads are game canon; characters who don't app will be glitched out of this world. As TDM will act as the event, existing characters are heavily encouraged to participate. We encourage this format for top levels: CHARACTER | CANON | CURRENT / NEW CHARACTER. '
As a note, while we currently have no available player slots, new players are still welcome to use this TDM to get samples, as well as submit applications to the queue for future review when applications open. Please see the applications page for more details.
Characters who are test driving and have not been assigned to a team may stay in whichever hostel they like. Don’t suit your fancy? Feel free to check out our main base and locations page and make up your own prompts!
Use the code provided if you'd like to participate in the ice breaker and place it in your top level along with your other prompts. Anything such as civilian name or username can be marked as UNDECIDED if you're unsure of what you'd like your character to have for now. Though it says 'Orientation', existing characters can still participate in the ice-breaker.
Please note that all tags in this log will count for 2 reward points each. Have fun!
As a note, while we currently have no available player slots, new players are still welcome to use this TDM to get samples, as well as submit applications to the queue for future review when applications open. Please see the applications page for more details.
Characters who are test driving and have not been assigned to a team may stay in whichever hostel they like. Don’t suit your fancy? Feel free to check out our main base and locations page and make up your own prompts!
Use the code provided if you'd like to participate in the ice breaker and place it in your top level along with your other prompts. Anything such as civilian name or username can be marked as UNDECIDED if you're unsure of what you'd like your character to have for now. Though it says 'Orientation', existing characters can still participate in the ice-breaker.
Please note that all tags in this log will count for 2 reward points each. Have fun!
wildcard!
He slips inside the 11 Hours hotel, rubbing the heel of his palm into his eyes as he walks. Clearly, he's exhausted and half asleep on his feet, bundled up in one of his hoodies and very little else, as if the cold isn't doing anything to bother him that much. Truthfully, he's been running around too much to think about something as unimportant as being cold. ]
Yo, Fushiguro? Nanamin?
[ Wandering around the place, Yuji tries to catch any sight of either of them, trying to fight back a yawn. ]
no subject
What are you doing here? Everlight was assigned to the other location. Did something happen to it?
[ Was it one of the buildings that ended up getting hit? But if that were the case, it wouldn't just be Yuji there. ]
no subject
No, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure you and Fushiguro were okay before I tried to get some rest.
[ See, no problems here! Definitely not pushing himself to the brink of exhaustion to help people, not this guy. ]
no subject
[ It's clearly not when Yuji is barely on his feet. ]
You could have just called one of us to check in if you were curious. What if you were injured on your way here? Fushiguro-kun and I can both take care of ourselves. You need to stop taking unnecessary risks.
[ And that might be coming from his own exhaustion, since dealing with a tsunami isn't something he's particularly meant to do. It isn't the same as just fighting, but Nanami at least managed to break through some of the collapsed buildings and get more people to safety. There's success to be had, but not at the expense of others close to him. He stalks over and gives Yuji a stern look, assessing just how exhausted he is. Bad, apparently. ]
Stop doing this. You should have gone to bed and called us in the morning.
no subject
Oh... He's in trouble, huh?
Yuji watches Nanami, exhaustion thrumming through his bones. Maybe, logically, he could've just checked in with the phone and sent texts, but what if they hadn't replied or didn't see it? Then he wouldn't be able to rest at all, and he would be sat worrying anyway. Coming to see them was faster, no matter how he looked at it, even if there might have been some danger posed.
They're not really in the direct line of anything collapsing, and the hotels seem pretty secure now, but Nanami does have a point. Yuji wasn't thinking anything close to the possibilities of being hurt, and it makes a discomforting feeling of shame twist inside of him, glancing away. It's hard to look at someone like Nanami when you feel so awkwardly guilty.
Rather than making an argument, he nods his head. Yuji's too tired to fight the point, feeling it down to his bones, the energy worn out of him, and he doubts Nanami would listen either way. They're both pretty stubborn about things like this. ]
Yeah, you're right. I should've just messaged you both.
[ Lifting his hand, he rubs at his eyes, hoping it comes across as tiredness rather than the fact that he feels like he might cry, a little overwhelmed by the emotional fallout of a tsunami disaster and the rescues he's made. His body is crying out for him to go and rest, but his brain is now stuck on making Nanami upset. Hadn't he promised to try and make sure that Nanami was happy here?
Maybe you can't be happy fighting monsters and doing missions, but Yuji's adding to his burdens rather than carrying them. ]
M'sorry, Nanamin.
no subject
Did you inform Kugisaki-san where you were headed?
[ At least tell your friends, Yuji. Tell her, because-
Because he knows how devastating it would feel. Nanami doesn't wait for an answer, sending one of his own anyway. She should know that he's safe. ]
Come with me.
[ It's a bad time when they have all been up and working too long. Everyone's emotions are already past threadbare, but Nanami turns to lead Yuji to the lobby anyway. At least most everyone will be asleep and it'll be more private? ]
no subject
[ Just a check in, to make sure they're okay and safe, and then he would go back to his hotel. It's clear, however, that that isn't what's going to happen, and Yuji is getting himself into far, far more trouble than he had anticipated. Nanami had told him before to rest, to take care of himself, and he was, really, it's just his limits are a little further ahead of other people.
He doesn't think he should rest until his body can't take it any longer.
Yuji watches Nanami send off a message, resisting the urge to hang his head. He keeps messing up. It's just the same as back home, making silly or stupid decisions that end up causing other people problems. ]
Ah, Nanamin, I can just go back to the Moonlight Inn alone, it's not a problem...
[ But, of course, he follows after Nanami anyway, because he is a good boy at heart. ]
no subject
[ It needs to be said. They can't just brush everything aside and hope that each "next time" will give them an easy way out. A bit of forgiveness. He leads Yuji to the mostly abandoned hotel lobby and picks out a few chairs grouped together in what is meant to be a comfortable sitting arrangement, but is really just a small cluster of abandoned pieces of furniture. He points at one of them and takes a seat in another, sitting next to Yuji with the corner angled toward him. ]
Have a seat.
[ But when it comes to starting, Nanami doesn't do it right away. He keeps looking at Yuji, searching. He can see the strength. The will to do what he needs to do. The feelings driving it. And that's part of what keeps him going and makes him stand out. It's part of the core that sets Yuji apart. It's something Nanami respects, actually, and what convinced him Yuji could be a great sorcerer--but there are limits. Even to the best and strongest. He sighs, leaning his head against his fingertips, deciding how to approach this. ]
Itadori-kun, you can't keep doing this.
no subject
Walking after Nanami, he sits down slowly, sinking into the chair. He doesn't like this, seeing Nanami so upset with him, as if a bubbling anger is right there under the surface. He's seen the man angry before, but it's never been so directed at him, even when Yuji had been foolish in fights before. It feels as though he's walking on a tightrope, on his tiptoes, trying to keep the balance without really knowing how to do it.
He sinks a little lower into his chair, and tries to find the right words. ]
I have to.
[ He definitely wants to cry now, and he has to take a deep breath, rubbing at his eyes all over again. The idea of Nanami being this mad at him... It churns his stomach just a little. ]
This is something I can do, so why can't I do it?
no subject
There's nothing wrong with pacing yourself. You're doing enough already. You don't have to do more than this.
[ Maybe it isn't about that, though. What Yuji looks like, bent over in his chair and avoiding his gaze, it's a lot like the knotting feeling he had too. It's the fear of stopping. For Nanami, it was running away.
Sometimes scared animals run into the flames of a fire. ]
...Itadori-kun, there's no fault here. You don't have to claim anything.
no subject
Yuji bites his tongue, stops himself from saying it, swallowing the words. He knows Nanami, enough to recognise the reaction that sort of thing would get him. 'Please don't die because of it'. That's what Nanami has said to him once, and he hasn't - and he doesn't think of the time Yuta stopped his heart then brought it back, his second technical death. He doesn't think about fighting and fighting and the pain of it all, thinking time and time again that this must be it.
Nanami doesn't want to hear that. He already knows that work is shit, that being a sorcerer doesn't lend itself to happiness, or a long life, or anything that regular people might get, but Yuji knew that. He knew that after Junpei, and after Mahito, and Gojo-sensei's loss, Nanami's, Kugisaki's, everything at Shibuya and in the Culling Game... He knew it the moment Sukuna said 'enchain' and the fear gripped him.
Without him being able to control it, Yuji sniffles, lifting a hand to wipe at his face, trying to restrain them but not being able to swallow them back. He thinks back to that moment with Mahito, that moment when he finally understood his place in the world - that maybe, in the future, it would all have meaning. That his role, the killing of curses, being a part in the machine of the jujutsu world - it would all be worth something. Maybe that isn't true any more.
Because he lived, people died. Yuji knows that. He wants to make up for it, however he can, before the executioner's sword comes for him. ]
I want to do what I can, even if it seems like too much. I just...
[ His hands shake as he covers his face. ]
It has to be worth something. I need it to be worth something.
[ Or why was he allowed to live, when so many other people died? ]
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Nothing is more valuable than your life.
What's the value in the truth? Or in a lie? Nanami definitely hasn't figured that one out. He's just living his own life, finding his own way, and he can't claim to know the greater burden he left behind him. But he can't take it back either--breathing doesn't erase the scars. He reaches out and rests a hand on Yuji's knee. ]
It's okay. You're not giving up. I just want you to get enough sleep.
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[ It comes out as a hiccup, a little laugh behind the strange rush of tears that he can't swallow back. Of course, he's taking this too far, getting too emotional about it, and pushing burdens on to Nanami's shoulders. This isn't the kind of thing he ought to be dealing with: he's a mentor, a senior, he's Nanamin, but that doesn't mean he has to carry the weight of Yuji's heart.
He had made a vow to carry Nanami's share, and that means he will carry this for himself. Yuji can be like Atlas, holding the world on his shoulders and not letting it falter. ]
I was going to go to bed right after coming here.
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[ He knew it would hurt. It had to, but he really can't keep letting Yuji run into danger over and over like that. And now Yuji is crying in his seat and Nanami can't let him go back and do it all over again. He has to make sure that Yuji doesn't throw everything away. ]
You can't keep taking risks for us. We're all trained to handle things like this. It's our job as much as it is yours. And if we do get into trouble- I'll call you.
[ That one is probably going to come back worse. It very likely will, but he has to make some kind of compromise for Yuji right now, something to keep him from completely breaking down. I won't be one of them. I won't be the one to use you and forget how it feels. ]
You can depend on us to do what needs to be done. There's nothing you'd be lacking by leaving us some of the work.
[ And maybe that's a discussion to return to, when Yuji isn't so miserable. Nanami stands up, moving to be next to Yuji in the chair. ]
You're going to face more hard choices. But I don't think you should regret any of them.
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[ Yuji sits, and he lets himself breathe, in and out for a moment, pulling back his tears. He's sick of this, feeling weak every time something bad happens, every time some thought in his mind makes his brain twist; at this point he should be stronger, somehow, should be able to force himself to push through it without falling apart. He's supposed to be strong, isn't he? His durability, the way he can take blows without faltering, that's his strength.
He wished that it translated into the mental fortitude, too.
The promise that Nanami will call perks him up, though, even as he keeps wiping at the tear tracks on his face. He feels stupid, like a child, forgetting that he is one.
With Nanami next to him, Yuji feels like he can breathe a little, leaning into the solid weight of the man beside him. He wants to lean on Nanami like this, even if he carries other things alone. Feeling him right there, solid and alive and breathing, being able to feel his heart beat and hear him speak... It's more of a gift than he could have ever imagined. ]
I'm trying. I know it's what I said, back then.
[ To have people die a natural death, a good death, to not have regrets. That's not the kind of thing that's possible for them, not any more - and especially not for him. If he goes before Sukuna does, before Megumi and Gojo-sensei and all the others are safe... He'll have more regrets than he can name. ]
I just... I made a promise, Nanamin, and I want to keep it.
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I can't stop you. You know the risks for what you decide to do.
[ He's young, but he is a sorcerer. He still has the right to find his own purpose and to fight for it, even if that isn't what Nanami wants for him. The thing that drives Yuji is something all his own. But that doesn't mean Nanami will let him bear it all. ]
I have my reasons too. You probably won't like it, but these are the things that s sorcerer carries with them. So I'm going to say it again: people still depend on you. What you do from here is still your decision. But I know there are those that won't rest easy if you make that decision too soon.
[ Yuji is leaning into him, which probably just shows how much he's already been going through. Nanami waits, letting him lean and think and maybe just exist. For once Yuji's not in the middle of a life or death fight and he needs to remember how to decompress. ]
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Leaning against Nanami, he nods, fighting back a yawn. The tsunami, the healing, pushing his body to work and carry things and now this emotional conversation… It’s all taking a toll on him. He’s not going to be able to stay awake much longer if all of this continues. ]
I know. I know you’re right, but I didn’t think about how hard it was going to be.
[ The downtime hasn’t been easy for him; with so many hours alone to spiral on his own thoughts, Yuji has been allowed time to dwell on his grief and losses. Confronting the reality of a living Nanami and Kugisaki means also confronting the knowledge that they could die again. That he could lose them once more. It isn’t fair.
He turns his head a little, hiding his face against Nanami. ]
I don’t remember how to stop. All I’ve been doing is fighting for so long.
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It's partly his fault. Who knows how many other losses Yuji has suffered since, but Nanami still knows that part of that curse came from him. The way his entire existence screamed denial the first time. Not even in the moment he lost everything to a mishandled assignment, but to the days after, when he was awake and still fighting and profoundly empty. Yuji says he didn't think about how hard it would be, but he could never have known before it happened. Nanami lets Yuji press close, hiding from everything for just a little. ]
You'll remember. It doesn't have to be right away. Leave that for tomorrow.
[ Leave it all for another time. Treat life like there is time. It's something he learned, but only with a lot of trial and error. ]
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Leaning into Nanami, letting himself hide his face and have some kind of relaxation, makes him feel better. He doesn't want to be another weight, too much pressure, not on Nanami, but he also knows he's safe here. Nothing is going to hurt him when Nanami is around, and he knows he's going to be looked after. For a little while, he can be the young man that he is rather than the warrior he's been forced to become.
Yawning, he mumbles a little. ]
Okay. I'll leave it.
[ He shifts a little, heaving a sigh. ]
I'll go to bed now, okay? I won't be a burden.
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Even if you are, it's not a burden I can't carry. Stop worrying about it.
[ Nanami moves away, but only to get to the front of the chair and hoist Yuji up into his arms. He drapes his legs over his right arm and pulls his head forward with his left hand, carrying him out of the lobby. ]
The decisions you make as a sorcerer are our decisions too. Even with burdens, I have no regrets.
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Strong enough to deal with Yuji and all the complications that come with it. ]
I'll try.
[ His hand lifts, as if he might hold on to Nanami's shirt, but he resists the urge. He tucks it away, to some weak, quiet part of him that longs for something he's missed his entire life. ]
I'm glad. I don't regret you either.
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And maybe Yuji will come to regret knowing him. For all that he taught him, willingly or unwillingly through instruction and in suffering. Through examples that he had so little control over. But Nanami tilts to look down at Yuji, and for once, he actually does smile. ]
I'm glad to hear it. I thought that it might have been too much.
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[ Todo had helped him, after that, but Yuji carries Nanami's words with him even with all the changes that have happened, the days passing into weeks. You've got it from here; a mantra that sticks with him. He knows, from those words, that he can do something, that he can carry weights, that the memories he has of the people he's lost makes him stronger, not weaker. Maybe that's something Mahito would never have been able to understand.
Grief hurts, it breaks him, it makes him crumble under the weight of it all, but it also gave him strength. Remembering Nanami, knowing that he would have those memories to keep him in his darkest moments - with Junpei, with Kugisaki, with Todo and all the other people lost or wounded people he cares so deeply about - gives him a reason to keep fighting.
Yuji doesn't see the smile, his eyes closed from exhaustion, but he sighs softly. ]
I'm glad, too.
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But Yuji said that he needed it. It had been positive, not more pain, at least up to this point. That feels like a mountain lifted off of Nanami's shoulders, the tightness finally fading and giving him back more of his soul. It's okay. He wants to tell that to- Well, he settles for shifting Yuji closer to him as he gets to the door and quietly slips them inside. He doesn't have to tell anyone this time. This can be for him. ]