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sinfucks2024-08-21 10:56 pm
synfluxmods) wrote in sinfucks2024-08-21 10:56 pm
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▶ 006. TEST DRIVE & SIMULATION #6
TEST DRIVE & SIMULATION #6
▶ 001. ARRIVAL / CAFETERIA.
It happens in the blink of an eye -- a dash of time. You're taken from where you were. What you were doing... it isn't important anymore, and slowly, you give up to desire your normal life. When you awake, figures are looking down on you from a surgical table.
"Yeah, this one will do; let's take them to the rest." That's all you see before losing consciousness again, only to wake up in a pod with many others.
"Your questions will be answered soon enough as I'm sure you will have many," a female, robotic voice says.
Just then, your pod opens in a dim corridor with many others. Your new life is about to begin... whether you like it or not.
The pods drain their stasis fluid which wakens each Outsider. Outsiders emerge from their pod in only their undergarments which have been supplied to them, and head to a locker room in the medical bay to find a towel to dry off with and a set of gray loungewear to wear as LILITH makes the final decision in assigning the Outsiders to their rightful teams. If a character has any accessibility needs, they will be found here. It's about then they will feel a sharp pain at the back of their eyes, almost like there’s a foreign body lodged on the inside of their head. This pain will subside quickly as their body adapts to the changes, but there will always be a sensation of something being not quite right; that their bodies have been changed forever. They would be correct in thinking that. In the pod, all Outsiders have been surgically fitted with ocular and brain implants that will enable them to communicate with LILITH and the rest of the crew, as well as providing them the information they require. Almost like a computer screen has been loaded into their brains, they will see a loading screen as the implant completes its download. A questionnaire will then pop up, waiting for their answer. A voice, robotic and feminine, will also read along in their brain for them.
█ █ █ LOADING COMPLETE … BEGIN ORIENTATION …
The system will give Outsiders one chance to provide a truthful answer and choose their username and civilian identity. Should they refuse to cooperate, the implant will download the answer directly from their brain (and give them a username or civilian name against their will). This questionnaire will then be posted on the network for all to view and reply to. Almost like an ice-breaker, if you will. LILITH wants all their newest recruits to learn about each other!
Outsiders will receive a quick brief about their situation: they will be told that the year is 2278, and they have been taken to Neo Tokyo, one of the last bastions of mankind in a world terrorized by various Kaiju and monsters. Only a third of the population remains, and LILITH has gathered talented people from other dimensions here as a last ditch effort to save humanity. Outsiders are free to continue asking LILITH questions through their implant, but there’s no guarantee they will provide them with a straight answer …
Outsiders will also notice an implant in their dominant wrist. This implant has a barcode in it that will enable them to purchase goods from the local stores in Neo Tokyo. They will receive a starting balance of 15,000,000 KRYPTOS (about USD 100), which is barely enough for a few good meals, groceries, and supplies. They can view their current balance through a hologram window projected by their ocular implant.
While there would normally be a meal available for them in the cafeteria, this doesn’t seem to be the case this time. Robots working within the cafeteria will instead be handing out food ration bars to each Outsider. They are dense with calories and nutrition, but taste a bit like sawdust.
That familiar, robotic voice is heard again:
"Yeah, this one will do; let's take them to the rest." That's all you see before losing consciousness again, only to wake up in a pod with many others.
"Your questions will be answered soon enough as I'm sure you will have many," a female, robotic voice says.
Just then, your pod opens in a dim corridor with many others. Your new life is about to begin... whether you like it or not.
The pods drain their stasis fluid which wakens each Outsider. Outsiders emerge from their pod in only their undergarments which have been supplied to them, and head to a locker room in the medical bay to find a towel to dry off with and a set of gray loungewear to wear as LILITH makes the final decision in assigning the Outsiders to their rightful teams. If a character has any accessibility needs, they will be found here. It's about then they will feel a sharp pain at the back of their eyes, almost like there’s a foreign body lodged on the inside of their head. This pain will subside quickly as their body adapts to the changes, but there will always be a sensation of something being not quite right; that their bodies have been changed forever. They would be correct in thinking that. In the pod, all Outsiders have been surgically fitted with ocular and brain implants that will enable them to communicate with LILITH and the rest of the crew, as well as providing them the information they require. Almost like a computer screen has been loaded into their brains, they will see a loading screen as the implant completes its download. A questionnaire will then pop up, waiting for their answer. A voice, robotic and feminine, will also read along in their brain for them.
█ █ █ LOADING COMPLETE … BEGIN ORIENTATION …
Name:
Username:
Civilian Identity:
Age:
Species:
Origin:
A trolley is headed down the tracks at high speed towards a fork. On its current path, five people are tied to the tracks. You stand in front of a lever to switch the tracks to the other path, where only one person is tied to the tracks. Assume the trolley cannot be safely stopped before it hits the people, and they cannot be freed before the trolley gets there. What do you do?
The system will give Outsiders one chance to provide a truthful answer and choose their username and civilian identity. Should they refuse to cooperate, the implant will download the answer directly from their brain (and give them a username or civilian name against their will). This questionnaire will then be posted on the network for all to view and reply to. Almost like an ice-breaker, if you will. LILITH wants all their newest recruits to learn about each other!
Outsiders will receive a quick brief about their situation: they will be told that the year is 2278, and they have been taken to Neo Tokyo, one of the last bastions of mankind in a world terrorized by various Kaiju and monsters. Only a third of the population remains, and LILITH has gathered talented people from other dimensions here as a last ditch effort to save humanity. Outsiders are free to continue asking LILITH questions through their implant, but there’s no guarantee they will provide them with a straight answer …
Outsiders will also notice an implant in their dominant wrist. This implant has a barcode in it that will enable them to purchase goods from the local stores in Neo Tokyo. They will receive a starting balance of 15,000,000 KRYPTOS (about USD 100), which is barely enough for a few good meals, groceries, and supplies. They can view their current balance through a hologram window projected by their ocular implant.
While there would normally be a meal available for them in the cafeteria, this doesn’t seem to be the case this time. Robots working within the cafeteria will instead be handing out food ration bars to each Outsider. They are dense with calories and nutrition, but taste a bit like sawdust.
That familiar, robotic voice is heard again:
"Greetings, my name is SYNTHIA and I will be taking care of you today while the rest of the crew is occupied. Worry not, my children. You are in safe hands."
▶ 002. SIMULATION.
While Outsiders are given a fair amount of time to recuperate, not only from physical injuries but from the aftermath of their mission in Korea, it doesn’t take long before their training kicks back up again. This time, the stress is on formation, teamwork, and split decision making. While the Japan branch of LILITH believes all the Outsiders at their branch are performing as expected of them, the other international operatives underneath LILITH may not feel the same due to the results of their prior mission. While the higher ups back in Tokyo believe they made the best decision based on the information they had, it’s not to state the other branches of LILITH echo the same sentiment. As a result, there is a strict training regime that all Outsiders must commit to, new and old alike.
The simulation will naturally cover the terrain of Seoul, Busan, and other intermediary cities of South Korea; everything else will seem par for the course with the simulation. Outsiders will be asked to group up with those close to them and practice timing their attacks and specifically aiming for the kaiju’s weak points. Those who have trouble finding someone to work with can assume to be assigned to one another randomly. Veteran Outsiders will be asked to assist anyone new whom they may not recognize.
Despite their best attempts, the simulation feels harder than the actual kaiju, and its settings seem to factor in its incredibly unpredictable nature. As a result, “MISSION FAILED” will be seen more frequently than not. Outsiders will be forced to redo the simulations over and over, even until the early hours of the morning.
As a result, Outsiders will also be provided with energy drinks and coffee in a variety of flavors that are laced with their newest energy boosters. This will keep Outsiders particularly enthusiastic for the simulation runs, and give them the drive to keep them on track! The unfortunate side effect, however, is it that it does come with a fairly significant crash. Try not to develop a caffeine addiction during this time.
Other than the simulations, Outsiders will also be required to clock in for regular medical checkups, and most will result in asking them to increase their general fitness and physical capabilities. They will be required to utilize the gym, swimming pool, and other physical fitness facilities until their doctors sign off on them. While this may seem like a new form of hazing, the higher ups actually believe it could foster better relationships.
The simulation will naturally cover the terrain of Seoul, Busan, and other intermediary cities of South Korea; everything else will seem par for the course with the simulation. Outsiders will be asked to group up with those close to them and practice timing their attacks and specifically aiming for the kaiju’s weak points. Those who have trouble finding someone to work with can assume to be assigned to one another randomly. Veteran Outsiders will be asked to assist anyone new whom they may not recognize.
█ █ █ MONSTER DEBRIEF SHEET
NAME: IMUGI ♀
HEIGHT: 1600 feet across, 55 feet high
WEIGHT: 2850kg
CLASS: Extremely Dangerous
LOCATION: Various Locations, South Korea - Map will be auto populated for terrain.
ABILITIES: Control over weather conditions, including summoning of heavy storms, lightning strikes and hurricanes. Can fly up to 1000 feet. By flying amongst the clouds, Imugi releases chemicals into the atmosphere that bring about acid rain. Armored scales, sharp teeth and claws. Camouflage; can disappear into seemingly thin air.
WEAKNESSES: Piercing it in the gaps between its impenetrable scales. There is also a particularly weak spot under its chin that will deal significant damage if pierced.
EXTRA NOTES: This is the female counterpart of the Imugi slain in Seoul. After giving birth, it demonstrated typical reptile behavior and abandoned its eggs. Since its initial appearance in Busan, it has grown. This kaiju seems more agile, is openly aggressive, and has demonstrated intelligence in being able to hold grudges.
█ █ █ ATTACHED PHOTO:
Despite their best attempts, the simulation feels harder than the actual kaiju, and its settings seem to factor in its incredibly unpredictable nature. As a result, “MISSION FAILED” will be seen more frequently than not. Outsiders will be forced to redo the simulations over and over, even until the early hours of the morning.
As a result, Outsiders will also be provided with energy drinks and coffee in a variety of flavors that are laced with their newest energy boosters. This will keep Outsiders particularly enthusiastic for the simulation runs, and give them the drive to keep them on track! The unfortunate side effect, however, is it that it does come with a fairly significant crash. Try not to develop a caffeine addiction during this time.
Other than the simulations, Outsiders will also be required to clock in for regular medical checkups, and most will result in asking them to increase their general fitness and physical capabilities. They will be required to utilize the gym, swimming pool, and other physical fitness facilities until their doctors sign off on them. While this may seem like a new form of hazing, the higher ups actually believe it could foster better relationships.
▶ 003. BLACK MARKET.
It’s clear that the number one priority on people’s minds lately is the kaiju that’s on the loose. However, these hushed whispers on the streets aren’t simply rehashing the recent news, but instead are talking about certain trades happening on the black market. Considering the lack of personnel at base due to the damage control and fallout from the incident in Seoul, Outsiders will be tasked with talking to the citizens and scoping out any and all information on these secret trades. Yes, that's right, the black market is teeming with energy yet again.
Akin to the mission in March, it looks like those associated with Tokyo’s darker undertakings have a new business venture and it’s in Imugi body part trading. It looks like the newest hit in folk medicine is currently illegal research in using the Imugi’s scales, bones, and every part they can get their hands on: they have created dragon scale teas, dragon horn supplements, dragon blood steroids, and many other meats, delicacies, and food items. Some have even taken to grinding down the bones and claws. No one actually knows if this increases one's vitality and cures illnesses, or if it’s an unknown risk to the people.
Each of these leads will need to be looked into, and so Outsiders will be tasked as a group, and encouraged to work together in exploring these undertakings. Apparently, there are three major places that need to be explored: an abandoned factory in Shinjuku, a restaurant that is supposedly acting as a front for trades, and even a club similar to the Sapphire Room for higher VIPS who apparently are offering entire limbs of the kaiju up for sale.
It may be hard to move just by operating on civilian identities, and so LILITH is also offering a disguise by style upgrade, and encouraging recruits to make up an adequate “cover” as they explore. As the disguise on their style upgrade coincides with whatever they decide to make their fake identity, Outsiders are also required to turn in the appropriate paperwork, including what the occupation for the cover is, along with any other details to go along with their bit.
These actions are considered unacceptable by LILITH, and as a result are asking Outsiders to partake covertly in order to capture and bring back any suspicious individuals working for any of these black market distribution circles. These same individuals also seem to intersect with other levels of crime in the city, and so certain missions may coincide with these efforts. Outsiders are encouraged to contribute as they are able to.
Akin to the mission in March, it looks like those associated with Tokyo’s darker undertakings have a new business venture and it’s in Imugi body part trading. It looks like the newest hit in folk medicine is currently illegal research in using the Imugi’s scales, bones, and every part they can get their hands on: they have created dragon scale teas, dragon horn supplements, dragon blood steroids, and many other meats, delicacies, and food items. Some have even taken to grinding down the bones and claws. No one actually knows if this increases one's vitality and cures illnesses, or if it’s an unknown risk to the people.
Each of these leads will need to be looked into, and so Outsiders will be tasked as a group, and encouraged to work together in exploring these undertakings. Apparently, there are three major places that need to be explored: an abandoned factory in Shinjuku, a restaurant that is supposedly acting as a front for trades, and even a club similar to the Sapphire Room for higher VIPS who apparently are offering entire limbs of the kaiju up for sale.
It may be hard to move just by operating on civilian identities, and so LILITH is also offering a disguise by style upgrade, and encouraging recruits to make up an adequate “cover” as they explore. As the disguise on their style upgrade coincides with whatever they decide to make their fake identity, Outsiders are also required to turn in the appropriate paperwork, including what the occupation for the cover is, along with any other details to go along with their bit.
█ █ █ MISSION OBJECTIVE:
✖ Create false identity to go undercover.
✖ Sneak into or receive an invitation to one of the following locations: an abandoned factory in Shinjuku, a restaurant chain that is supposedly acting as a front for trades, and Club Spades.
✖ Capture and round-up any suspicious individuals who may have information. Bring them back alive.
✖ Turn in any kaiju parts, items, and stock in.
These actions are considered unacceptable by LILITH, and as a result are asking Outsiders to partake covertly in order to capture and bring back any suspicious individuals working for any of these black market distribution circles. These same individuals also seem to intersect with other levels of crime in the city, and so certain missions may coincide with these efforts. Outsiders are encouraged to contribute as they are able to.
▶ 004. INTERROGATION.
In the midst of the ongoing investigations into the black market, there are rumors that the entire black market scheme was hatched up by a LILITH operative. Due to the timing of the Outsiders touching down in Tokyo and how swiftly the parts collected became distributed, a majority of the suspicions seem to fall on the Outsiders themselves. As a result, everyone on the base will be subject to routine checks on base, and may notice some LILITH drones may be keeping surveillance of them when they leave the premises.
LILITH is also offering rewards to agents under them who are able to discover their peers in possession of any sort of contraband. This includes kaiju parts which may have been given to them for safe-holding during investigation, research specimens that were given to them, or even any items crafted from kaiju, including food items. If any Outsiders are found with these kaiju parts and/or items, they will be taken in for questioning.
During questioning, they will either recruit a fellow Outsider to assist in these cross-examinations, or have them done by another agent under LILITH. Everyone who is brought in to be questioned is forced to ingest a truth serum. Upon consuming the serum orally or aromatically, they will be forced to tell the truth. They will also find themselves particularly loose-lipped, or uncharacteristically forthcoming. Unfortunately, while this serum may clear them of the smuggling accusations, these effects will continue to linger even after the interrogation has ended.
Additionally, while the Outsider or agent may not have been planning anything nefarious by holding onto these kaiju parts, they will be lightly punished. This may include being locked with another Outsider for 24-48 hours to watch AI-generated videos on the importance of going through the proper venues of tagging kaiju parts and not stealing.
LILITH is also offering rewards to agents under them who are able to discover their peers in possession of any sort of contraband. This includes kaiju parts which may have been given to them for safe-holding during investigation, research specimens that were given to them, or even any items crafted from kaiju, including food items. If any Outsiders are found with these kaiju parts and/or items, they will be taken in for questioning.
During questioning, they will either recruit a fellow Outsider to assist in these cross-examinations, or have them done by another agent under LILITH. Everyone who is brought in to be questioned is forced to ingest a truth serum. Upon consuming the serum orally or aromatically, they will be forced to tell the truth. They will also find themselves particularly loose-lipped, or uncharacteristically forthcoming. Unfortunately, while this serum may clear them of the smuggling accusations, these effects will continue to linger even after the interrogation has ended.
Additionally, while the Outsider or agent may not have been planning anything nefarious by holding onto these kaiju parts, they will be lightly punished. This may include being locked with another Outsider for 24-48 hours to watch AI-generated videos on the importance of going through the proper venues of tagging kaiju parts and not stealing.
▶ 005. CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR ACTIONS.
A few days after newcomers have arrived and the atmosphere on the LILITH base seems to be less tense, a message on everyone's ocular implants will flash: MEETING IN THE SIMULATION ARENA. ATTENDANCE IS A MUST. THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.
Characters will be grouped by their team name and in numerical order with the assistance of AI robots once they have reached the arena. If they are questioned, they only seem to answer one thing: COMMANDER SHIRO LIKES THINGS A CERTAIN WAY. Once everyone is organized, it's just a matter of waiting. After a moment, one of the arena walls, which is conveniently also a screen, will project a new looking face onto it.
The face is of a man who appears to be in his late twenties, but he's quite older than that. How he's achieved this, nobody seems to know. His hair, stark white, appears rather ragged for someone who otherwise has a neat and tidy appearance. Most of his face is obscured by a pair of goggles, and he does, on the whole look... human. However, while it's difficult to see what exactly is behind him, it certainly looks like a silhouette belonging to a set of tentacles coming from his back. His fingers are laced together with his chin on top of them as he heaves a sigh. The screen flickers with a bit of static.
The screen cuts out, and another debrief sheet appears.
Characters will be grouped by their team name and in numerical order with the assistance of AI robots once they have reached the arena. If they are questioned, they only seem to answer one thing: COMMANDER SHIRO LIKES THINGS A CERTAIN WAY. Once everyone is organized, it's just a matter of waiting. After a moment, one of the arena walls, which is conveniently also a screen, will project a new looking face onto it.
The face is of a man who appears to be in his late twenties, but he's quite older than that. How he's achieved this, nobody seems to know. His hair, stark white, appears rather ragged for someone who otherwise has a neat and tidy appearance. Most of his face is obscured by a pair of goggles, and he does, on the whole look... human. However, while it's difficult to see what exactly is behind him, it certainly looks like a silhouette belonging to a set of tentacles coming from his back. His fingers are laced together with his chin on top of them as he heaves a sigh. The screen flickers with a bit of static.
"Angels of LILITH, I'm severely disappointed in your failure. Teams Brimstone & Revelation, I expected more of you. If you had not let the Imugi escape, we would not have fallen into the hell that we are in now. We would not have had to make a decision to start with. Read the following instructions carefully. Make up for your mistakes. Don't ever let this happen again. Or else."
The screen cuts out, and another debrief sheet appears.
█ █ █ MISSION OBJECTIVE: COMMUNITY & TEAM BUILDING.
✖ Team Brimstone & Revelation: Treat a colleague from Team Everlight & Team Redemption to a meal to celebrate their overall success. Everlight & Redemption will pick their meal of choice.
✖ (ALL TEAMS) Teach kaiju emergency protocol with given curriculum at the following school: Nishi Elementary School in the Shinjuku district.
✖ (ALL TEAMS) Clean up trash in the following districts: Shinjuku, Chiyoda, and Bunkyo.
✖ Shame fellow colleagues for their MISSED ATTACKS in whatever methods possible. Their codenames are: RUBBER DUCKY, AMBROSIA, CLOWN PRINCE, GODDESS OF DEATH, LILITH69, NADEL, RASGULLA, STARDUST.
▶ 006. AFTERWORD.
Welcome to our sixth TDM! All TDM threads are game canon and characters who don't app will be glitched out of this world. As the TDM will act as the event, existing characters are heavily encouraged to participate. Please use this format for top levels: CHARACTER | CANON | CURRENT / NEW CHARACTER.
There are currently 14 available player slots. New players are welcome to use this TDM to get samples for when APPLICATIONS open.
None of the prompts suit your fancy? Feel free to check out our main base and locations page and make up your own prompts! (Las Vegas is still being rebuilt and Seoul has closed off its borders to the Japan branch of LILITH.)
Use the code provided in the ARRIVAL prompt if you'd like to participate in the ice breaker, and place it in your top level along with your other prompts. Anything such as civilian name or username can be marked as UNDECIDED if you're unsure of what you'd like your character to have for now. Though it says 'Orientation', existing characters can still participate in the ice-breaker.
The monthly mingle will reveal information about payment for last month's mission and the winners for KO and top hit.
Please note that all tags in this log will count for 2 reward points each and will count towards September AC.
There are currently 14 available player slots. New players are welcome to use this TDM to get samples for when APPLICATIONS open.
None of the prompts suit your fancy? Feel free to check out our main base and locations page and make up your own prompts! (Las Vegas is still being rebuilt and Seoul has closed off its borders to the Japan branch of LILITH.)
Use the code provided in the ARRIVAL prompt if you'd like to participate in the ice breaker, and place it in your top level along with your other prompts. Anything such as civilian name or username can be marked as UNDECIDED if you're unsure of what you'd like your character to have for now. Though it says 'Orientation', existing characters can still participate in the ice-breaker.
The monthly mingle will reveal information about payment for last month's mission and the winners for KO and top hit.
Please note that all tags in this log will count for 2 reward points each and will count towards September AC.
TDM #6 BREAKDOWN/RECAP (CLICK TO EXPAND)
1. ARRIVAL PROMPT: Newcomers arrive with ocular and brain implants, and are given a breakdown of the premise with an icebreaker orientation to complete. Their first cafeteria meal is food ration bars. Newcomers are placed in gray loungewear while they are being sorted into teams.
2. SIMULATION: All Outsiders are subject to a new paired training regimen that focuses on formation, teamwork, and decision making. The training is a simulation of the most recent mission in South Korea and the target is a simulated version of the Imugi. Failed results will be more frequent and Outsiders will be required to redo the simulation until they achieve a mission success. Outsiders will also have required medical checkups with the goal of increasing overall fitness and physical capabilities.
3. BLACK MARKET: Outsiders are tasked to investigate rumors of Imugi body part trading happening in certain areas of Tokyo. They are encouraged to work together and create aliases outside of their civilian identities in order to infiltrate these facilities. Once infiltrated, Outsiders are to capture any suspicious individuals working for these black market circles, as well as to retrieve any kaiju parts or items.
4. INTERROGATION: Everyone on base will be subjected to routine checks with LILITH drones surveilling them upon leaving base. LILITH will be offering rewards to agents who turn in their peers for possessing any sort of contraband; these Outsiders will be brought in for interrogation either by a LILITH agent, or by another Outsider. Those subject to interrogation will be forced to ingest a truth serum; effects of the serum will linger after the interrogation has ended. Anyone who admits to being in possession of contraband will be punished by being locked with another Outsider for 24-48 hours.
5. CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR ACTIONS: Outsiders are summoned to the simulation arena for a meeting with Commander Shiro, who expresses his disappointment with their performance in the latest mission. He provides a chance for Outsiders to redeem themselves via various tasks to avoid this from happening again.
interrogation
The only upside is that he's not stuck by himself. He's too worn from the simulation and other bullshit to even bitch, so listening to Kaede go off is comforting. She really is cute. ]
Kaede, let's go on a date.
[ He sounds pretty tired and it's probably a fucked up time to spring the question, but it's been weeks of neverending fucked up times, so... ]
no subject
Pardon her while she gawks at you for a moment, Elan. She's trying to reboot real quick-like. ]
Wha...where?
no subject
Anywhere but here. Let's burn this place to the ground and run away. We could go wherever you want. Be free to do anything.
[ Please just tell him to come up with a normal idea for a first date. ]
no subject
Are you just messing with me? First you said a date and now you wanna run away together?
cw: drugs
[ Fucked up but true! Let him have his dark and fantastical thoughts, he's been feeling trapped and stressed for months on end - and also pitifully lonely. Now he went and killed the mood even more. This isn't even about a date, not really, he's trying to seek whatever solace he can at the moment, and Kaede is one bright spot in this hell. ]
no subject
The alternative sends a flare of heat up to her face. Her blood starts to boil right around her ears and her eyes. Would he really be happy like that? With her?
She swallows down a lump lodged in her throat. Still, she can't look away. Since when have his eyes been so bright? ]
Would you still say that if you knew...everything?
[ There's no way he would. She hasn't confessed her sins to others for a long time. They don't ask, she doesn't tell, and she prefers it to stay that way. This tenuous peace, this tiny niche, how quickly would they fall apart if those she dared to think of as "friends" knew how many lives she's taken? And gleefully, at that? ]
There's nothing I touch that doesn't fall apart.
no subject
[ It's what he wants for himself, and desperately, but look at where they are now! Isn't it messed up? AI droning on in the background when he wants peace and quiet with her. It could be so much better. She deserves so much better. He doesn't think what she wants is too much to ask for. Whatever darkness she's grappling with, he knows she's trying to move past it. It must be the drugs in his system, or the exhaustion, because the reassuring smile he attempts to give her is filled with melancholy. ]
You don't need to worry. I'm a gundam pilot, which means my life is cursed anyway! I'll take my chances with you.
[ So what if it falls apart? Better to be damned together than alone. ]
no subject
Have friends?
She's ruined that image by herself. By getting used to life here, by getting used to the ragtag group of misfits under LILITH, by daring to think of some as friends? Is going a step beyond that really so unheard of when she's already sought after and snatched up what society refused to let her have in her previous life?
The doubt still lingers. The Voice herself embodies that doubt, that rage, that hatred, and who's to say she won't rear up again as soon as Kaede herself is comfortable? What if she's weak? What if she gives in to her words again? What if she takes over and tears apart everything?
Being alone would be so much kinder, if that were to happen. ]
How can you say that with a straight face? How can you mean it? [ Her chest hurts. It takes all her effort not to let her voice waver or crack. Instead, her lower lip does the trembling.
She'll steel her heart. One more time. If it hurts just one more time, if he pushes her away, she'll never let anyone close again. Everyone at an arm's reach. An ally but never a friend. And, certainly...never a lover. ]
I've done nothing but kill since I was a kid. If I didn't kill a friend of mine, then they still died because of me. My first friend died because of me, his killers died because of me, I murdered my first love's family, and my second...she died because of me too.
[ It hurts to say it. Every word spills out of her mouth with an acidic bite, and a lump swells in her throat as she tries not to cry. Not yet. No, no, not yet. Not yet. ]
My mother died because she went looking for me, I killed my brother and every other person with horns. All except one. And between all of those, I've killed so many more humans, infected them, ruined their lives, tore apart their families, made them miserable.
That's all I've been doing since I was born...no matter what I do to stop it.
no subject
[ For better or worse, he has absolutely no filter right now. He can't hide his surprise or pretend what she's saying doesn't sound horrific. He can't scoop the words back into his mouth either, even though hurting her is the last thing he wants when she's being so vulnerable. He can only keep barreling forward. ]
Considering all the bullshit we're put through makes even me want to snap and you haven't killed anyone, I think we can say that's not who you are anymore. I must have ticked you off plenty of times and I'm still here, so I don't see why I should suddenly be afraid.
[ He also doubts he's hearing the whole story. At least, it's looked to him like she's been lashing out from pain, and he's guessing all that trauma caused her to bottle her soft side into Nyuu, and her rage into the girl with no name. ]
no subject
Of course he's horrified. She knew he would be. Maybe now he'll see that asking silly things of her--dates, running away, any affection at all--is just stupid. Meaningless. ]
I don't want to be like that anymore, but I can't promise it won't happen anyway. Especially if she comes out again.
[ She can try to hold back. The other two haven't been as dominant because she wants to live. But even so, the danger is there. She can't ignore it. ]
You've seen her. And Nyuu too. How fucked up I am. Caring about me any deeper than a teammate is just...going to hurt you. Just like everyone else.
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You shouldn't talk about them like that. Nyuu's cute. How can anyone not adore her? I like the side of you that's easy to tease.
[ It might be harder to confess his thoughts if he wasn't in a hazy and uninhibited state, but as it is, the words flow from him all too casually. ]
As for the other girl... [ Okay, now he's the one who's going to sound deranged, but. ] I'd take her out, too. I've been thinking, we didn't get to finish our conversation last time.
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Her hands finally unclench themselves from fists but only so she can reach up and grab his collar like she might throttle him. She's damn near tempted to do just that! If he met the Voice, he should know how dangerous she is! But he keeps treating her like she's just a bad-tempered cat? ]
She could kill you! Why aren't you afraid?!
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Hey, it's not everyday I meet someone else without a name, can you blame me for being the least bit curious? I still mean to tell her off for leaving me high and dry in the desert. That was pretty rude!
[ There is so much wrong with her. He's fascinated! He will also probably be killed! He didn't think he was the type to flirt with death, but what do you know. ]
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Seriously though, I'm not trying to get myself killed. [ Kinda the opposite, but everything in this world is trying to kill him, so she'll have to get in line. He'll save the smart remark for another time, taking on a more serious tone. ] So. How do we help her? You bottling her up isn't going to solve things I imagine.
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That's what she wants to say. That's her first reaction. But as she stares up at him and how easily his flippant demeanor shifts into something more serious, she can't bring herself to say it. He's taking this seriously. He's seen her worst side, her best side, and her in the middle. And he's still here. He hasn't run screaming...yet.
Her grip on his collar softens as she dips her head downward. ]
I don't know. She's only ever come out once...twice before coming here.
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[ He's no psychologist, he can't tell what's going on with this split personality thing, but knowing what presses her buttons is probably a good start. ]
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She's...the Voice of my DNA. The one who tells me I need to kill and infect and replace humans with my kind. She's been with me since I was a child. Telling me to make a place for myself since humans won't let me have a place in their world. She's angry because...I am.
[ Because for the longest time, Lucy herself was angry, vicious, wanting answers as to why she has to live outside of humanity. ]
And then she was angry because I stopped listening to her.
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[ He grins a rueful grin. If she doesn't feel like there's a place for her of course she would lash out. From what he's seen, Kaede hasn't let go of her anger, not completely, but that's fine. One can want to move on while still feeling bitter about the past. ]
If she's part of your DNA, she isn't going anywhere. Ignoring her might even make it worse. So we'll just have to work with her.
[ Easier said than done, but! ]
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But there's one part of that that gives her pause. More so even than the daunting task of having to make peace with the monster in her mind. A part that makes her look up at him again, more shocked than puzzled. ]
"We?" [ She heard that right...didn't she? ] You'd...do that?
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[ He's a human, and on the shitty side. He's also very good at pissing people off! It might end in disaster, but the girl with no name didn't kill him the first time, so he's counting on a little buried goodwill in her angry little heart somewhere. ]
I mean, I'm a human. I'll get on her nerves. But you said you didn't like humans either, and we've managed to become...friends, right?
[ He only pauses over that word because while he thinks he has a good read on her, it's not like they've ever said it. They're not very good at the friendship thing, are they. ]
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Yeah.
[ Kaede tilts her head down more until she's leaning against his chest. Her hands have long since left his collar in favor of loosely circling his sides. She's tempted to hug him, but at the same time, it seems dangerous. Like she'd be consigning him to a terrible fate if she actually did it. ]
But if it ever gets to be too much...just tell me. I'll understand.
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[ He murmurs, but not because he's concerned. If he knew what she was thinking, he would have laughed and pulled her close. She can't doom him to a worse fate than the one he has already been cursed with.
Without the knowledge, he's instead wondering if she would be adverse to being held. He settles for resting an arm around her shoulder in a hesitant half-hug, holding her as she leans against him, but loosely enough that she could pull away if she wanted. ]
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Thank you, El.
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Are we just friends?
[ He has to ask. He's said a lot but she hasn't told him how she feels about that date. ]
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I want to be more.
[ She turns her head to look at him again, not bothering to hide how hot and flushed her face is. Or the pout she has on because this swell of emotions is as exhausting as it is confusing. ]
But I'm selfish. I don't like sharing...unless it's the other "me"s.
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